to have frustration and indignance manifest in tears is tiring and beyond my comprehension. wouldn't it be easier to scream or to holler, why is it that of all easier forms of expressions i end up with tears? tears that just seem weak, that just complicate matters, that just aren't supposed to be shed over small matters.

 

it's also easier to behave in a knee-jerk manner, to bitch, to yell, to be accusatory but i can't bring myself to be that way because those are destructive. yet if i try to manage negative emotions and be positive, please don't think it's easy or that i'm cold or indifferent. those hurt me immensely.

 

to have to walk away from you with tears brimming in my eyes breaks your heart and at that point, i hate myself. my heart's breaking too.