Like a fool standing by the edge of seemingly still waters

Wondering why there were ripples

When water is calm but not still

 

 .................................................................................

Confused state of mind now but not confused about who it would be; Annoyed with no one but myself; Wondering if this is fate's way of playing a cruel joke with the people close to heart; Like meddling with heart strings and pulling a puppet with them

...................................................................................

On hindsight, oh glorious hindsight, perhaps that last postcard shouldn't have been written. I would like to see smiles on my friends' faces, their hearts lit with joy. But why does it have to be me who puts the smiles there and removes that same smile? Don't know… it's just a cruel joke. I'm sorry b. It's not anyone's fault really but I didn't realize how much hurt I had inflicted too, unknowingly.

 

It's harder not to feel affected today than the previous incidents involving different people. ARGH.

 

So many 'perhaps' to be said that I should just shut up now.

 

And then I saw the msg on the hp, an hour too late, and felt even worse than before, thinking about how disappointed he must have been.

 

So there, one week 3 major disappointments, 4 if I now include self disappointment.

 

Stood there trying hard to lose myself in reading the book but it didn't really work and it was such a happy moment when he came although I don't think I looked as happy as I was.

 

Tulips from Holland, or London or from the sky, bouquets or stalks or in 3 different colours, it's the thought behind them that make the tulips more beautiful than ever.

 

At that moment, I was so touched that I felt a tear in the eye.

……………………………………………………………….

 

Ultra incoherence. I can't help it.