Beneath all the cheery smiles, relatively jovial disposition and optimistic attitude, I think that I can be very sensitive, fragile and cowardly. Like being very worried of failing in big way, or even small ways. Working on this thesis has been quite draining, not because I actually run data regressions (not yet) but it's emotionally draining because I keep getting filled with self doubt, worry and anxiety.

 

Am I smart enough? Why can't I read math and stats more easily? How do I even run this stupid thing? Why do I feel so small?

 

At the end of the lessons, I tend to feel belittled by the lack of progress. But the lack of progress is precisely because I don't dare to actually start stepping into the unknown. Fear of Failure. Vn mentioned it before and I had to agree with him, albeit reluctantly. So did Kc. and I'm sure Vc knows that too.

 

I need a huge JOLT to accelerate the progress. Heck about stupid pride, and fear. Failing to excel in this thesis, and failing to learn from it would be the greatest mistake. I would loathe to commit that.